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Number of Sessions Is your relationship beyond saving? The answer may surprise you…
Most relationships end unnecessarily and could have been saved. No, you did
not read incorrectly. Most relationships end unnecessarily and the breakup
could have been prevented. For over 30 years I‘ve
specialized in saving relationships that were on the verge of ending even when only one person still wanted the relationship
to work and even when they had no hope that it could be saved. I have a passion for saving
relationships. I believe in Love AND, I am also grounded, pragmatic and
result oriented in my approach. It is my passion to save dying
romantic relationships and to keep those relationships thriving for a
lifetime together. It is that passion and mission that has compelled me to
give you all the information you need to get started, for FREE, to save your
relationship. I am happy to directly help you
to save your relationship. If you would like to interview other therapists I
am also including, on this page, the information you’ll need to find the
right person to help you to save your relationship. When Is It Too Late For A Relationship To Be Saved? When YOU give up or throw in the towel. You’ve probably already tried
everything you know to try to get your partner to give you a last chance.
It’s not working, is it? What You’ll Learn From This Webpage To Help You To Save
Your Relationship On this page I will cover: why
it’s essential for you to get help and coaching from the right relationship
counselor; what to look for in a relationship counselor or coach; how to find the best person to help you;
what to ask counselors to make sure they’re the right one, before you commit
to a paid session. I’ll also give you tips on how
to get the most out of working with the one you choose to work with; and how to make sure that the way you go
through the counseling doesn’t cause your partner to break up with you for
good. Why Finding And Going To A Relationship Counselor Is
Usually A Critical Element To Convince Your Partner To Give You a Last Chance Usually, the person that has
initiated the breakup has been trying to get their partner to go to
relationship counseling with them. They have been put off or flatly told no.
I’ve worked with some couples where the person that wants to end the
relationship had been rejected by their partner for weeks, months and even
years, in their efforts to get them into couple counseling. Initiating finding and going to
a couples counselor, as soon as possible, demonstrates your willingness to be
responsive to what your partner has wanted. …It can also help your partner
to get past one of their biggest objections to giving you a last chance,
which is their concern that there’s no reason to believe that anything will
be different. One of the primary reasons your
partner was wanting to go to relationship counseling in the first place is
that they thought that it could help to make the relationship workable for
them. Can Self Help Books, Home Study Courses, Couple Seminars
Or Retreats Successfully Take The Place Of Relationship Counseling To Save
Your Relationship? In my professional opinion, no
relationship expert, including myself, through writings, teachings, talks or
seminars, can take the place of 1-1, in person or phone counseling/coaching
for your relationship. The right relationship
counselor, working with you on a one to one basis, can fine-tune an approach
that’s precisely tailored to save your relationship and give you the best
chance to save your relationship. Why I’m Recommending That You Get Relationship Counseling
or Coaching As Soon As Possible It might take awhile to research
and find the right counselor and get an appointment with that counselor, so get
started now. When it comes to saving your relationship, time is not yet on
your side. You’ve Probably Known Of Couples That Went To Couples
Counseling And Wound Up Breaking Up. Is It Possible That The Wrong Therapist Can
Do You More Harm Than Good And Even Contribute To A Final Breakup? Yes, that’s a valid fear. As you
continue reading, I’ll show you how to maximize the possibility of picking
the right counselor to help you to save your relationship. Pick A Counselor That’s A Relationship Saver, Not A
Relationship Ender If you and your partner, or just
you, are open to relationship counseling, I would highly recommend it with
the RIGHT counselor. When a relationship is in
crisis, it’s in a very delicate state. Relationship counseling is not
neutral. It can help make the relationship better. If done incorrectly, it
can push the relationship over the edge. All relationship counselors have
their biases. Some therapists think that if a
relationship isn’t working, a person should get out. They’ll tend to guide an
individual or couple in that direction. I call them relationship enders. Other counselors, like myself,
believe that, with rare exception, an individual and/or couple should do
everything possible to learn and master
the skills to make their relationship work and thus to save their
relationship and often their family unit. We’re relationship savers. It’s My Professional Belief And Experience That Most
Romantic Relationships That End, End Unnecessarily And End With The Couple
Still Having Love For Each Other. It’s my experience, that for
most relationships in crisis, that when an individual or couple gets the
right kind of help and training and consistently practices those skills that
they can actually not just stay together but can both individually thrive
staying together. How Do You Find A Relationship Saving Therapist? You need to first know what to
look for. I’ll teach you that shortly. You then need to spend the time
calling and interviewing relationship counselors until you find the one that
meets the criteria you’re looking for. Why You Shouldn’t First Ask Your Partner If
They’re Willing To Go To Relationship Counseling With You Before You Go Through
The Time And Effort To Find the Right Relationship Saving Counselor If you ask your partner to go to
relationship counseling with you before you’ve found the right counselor and
your partner says NO, you have nowhere to go. If you’ve already researched and
found a relationship therapist that meets your criteria and you can tell your
partner about the time, effort, and results of your research they are more likely to say yes. If you ask your partner to go to counseling
with you and they say YES, you also need to be ready to set up that session
as soon as possible. In my experience, once a person has said they want to
break up, the longer the distance from the time when they said they were
willing to go to see a couple counselor and the time of that session, the
greater the chance they will change their mind and refuse to go. If the caller’s partner has
already agreed to go to a relationship counselor with them, as a Relationship
Saver, I do everything possible to give that couple a first session with me
the same day they call me. Tomorrow is often too late
because by that time sometimes the leaving partner has changed their mind and
refuses to participate in the session. What To Look For When You’re Interviewing Relationship
Counselors First, it would help you to
understand, in general, how relationship counseling is conducted. There tends to be two different
ways that relationship counseling is done. The way relationship counseling
is often conducted, the therapist will get the couple to come in and talk
about the problems and their upset feelings and each session they will have
them talk about their feelings and problems and perhaps give them insights
and understandings as to why they have those feelings and problems. It’s a process that can go on
for months and even longer. That way of working takes a long
time. Often, a person that’s ready to leave the relationship won’t stick
around that long. There’s a bigger problem with
that way of working. If a therapist gets a couple to
talk about the problems and to continue to rehash those problems and upsets
each session, without giving them tools and solutions, the couple and
especially the person that’s on the verge of ending the relationship, will
tend to get even more upset. It’s a potentially destructive
way of working and can wind up finalizing the breakup. A competent, experienced
therapist can usually get the bulk of the information they need to help you to
save your relationship, within that first session and can also, during that
1st session, give you an overview of how specifically they can help you to
get the relationship back on track. With the right counselor, if
your partner is, in any way, open to giving you a last chance, your partner
will leave that first session with you with a feeling of guarded hopefulness.
They will see that with the counselor’s help, that if you two follow through
with what you’re learning from the counselor that you really can make your
relationship work. When your partner has told you
they want to break up, that first couple counseling session will either help
you to get a last chance with your partner or, if that session is conducted
incorrectly, it can finalize the breakup. In my experience, that first
session with a couple, when a person has already told their partner they want
to break up, is a very delicate, critical time. As a Relationship Saver, I find
that it’s useful to assume that the leaving partner is one step away from
leaving for good. If I’m wrong, no harm. If I’m right, then I will proceed
with a caution that can help that couple to have a turning point. In my experience, in most cases,
that despite their insistence that the relationship is over for them, they
are willing to come to that first session because they secretly hope there
really is a way to save the relationship and they really do want to be able
to justify to themselves giving their partner a last chance. In my experience, most come to realize, by
the end of the first session, that with my help, the relationship really can
get better for them. They are now willing to give their partner a last chance
and to come back for more sessions with me to learn how to make their
relationship really work for both of them. How Should You Interview Relationship Counselors, By
Phone, By Email Or In Person? Many therapists will initially
talk to you for free by phone, few in person. You will probably get the
information you need to make your decision, if they’re willing to talk with
you by phone. Do NOT try to interview them by
email. Even if they’re willing to do that, there are too many nuances of
important information you’ll get by phone that you can’t get through email. When You’re Interviewing Relationship Counselors, First
Pay Attention To How You Feel When You Talk To Them Pay attention to how you feel
when you talk to the therapist. If they talk down to you or they make you
feel uncomfortable, they are probably wrong for you. If you feel calmed or reassured
when you talk to the counselor AND they meet your other criteria, that’s a
good sign. Other qualities to look for when
you’re talking to potential counselors: Do they have a positive attitude; are
they confident in their abilities to help you save your relationship; are
they friendly, encouraging and supportive. What You Should Ask Therapists when You Interview Them
and What To Look for for in their Approach to Relationship Counseling Here’s an example of how to interview
potential Counselors to help your relationship: You(Y): Hi, my relationship is
in trouble and I was wondering if you could help me. Do you have a couple of
minutes so I can tell you, briefly, what’s going on and find out how you
would work with us? Th(therapist): sure, go ahead. Y: You briefly tell them you
presenting problem. (For example): My partner caught me cheating on them and
they’ve said they’re fed up and they’re going to leave me. Can you help us? Th: I hope so. I can see you
this Friday at Y: can I ask you a couple of
brief questions? Th: sure. Y; How long have you been in
practice and what do you specialize in?” (Usually, nothing takes the
place of experience. A therapist that’s been in practice for 10 years or
longer, specializing in saving
romantic relationships, has a level of understanding based on their
experience that newer less experienced therapists don’t have access to.
However, you will occasionally run across a newer, very competent therapist
that can really help you out.) Y: How specifically would you
work with us?” (If you ask a relationship
counselor “how they approach saving a relationship” and they can’t tell you
their process of how they go about doing that, they either are “unconsciously
competent” in saving relationships or they aren’t very skilled in doing
that.) How To Find Relationship Counselors Or Coaches To
Interview Here are some sources: online
yellow pages; the yellow pages; ads in your local papers; word of mouth; your
local church or temple. Why Not Just Go To Whomever You’re Referred To By A
Friend, Relative Or Your Family Doctor? You can certainly include those
referrals as part of the group of professionals you interview. Stay conscious and do your
homework by interviewing them with the questions and criteria you’re getting
in this section as well as other questions and criteria you have. Just because someone you know
went to a therapist or knows of them, or even got good results with them,
doesn’t mean that therapist is the right one to save your relationship. You have your own unique
situation. And, you probably will now have
different and much more refined screening criteria for choosing a
relationship therapist than the person that gave you the referral. If
money Is An Issue For You, Why To Not Go To A Therapist That Your
Insurance Will Cover Or Go To A Place That Charges On A Sliding Scale In my opinion, insurance
companies are in the business of making the most money, not getting you the
best help. All the insurance companies I
know of require a therapist to cut their fees, often to cut their fees
dramatically, to be allowed to be in the “system.” Top Relationship Savers are
unlikely to be willing to cut their fees to be a preferred provider or be in
the network for an insurance company. Places that charge for therapy
based on a sliding scale, can usually afford to do that because they have
volunteer therapists that are still in school or fresh out of school.
Remember, you need a seasoned, experienced Relationship Saver. If this is your last chance, you
want to go with the best Relationship Saver you can find regardless of the
cost. If you factor in the emotional
cost of an ended relationship, along the possible costs of separate
households and separate living expenses, the cost of a great Relationship
Saver is a fraction of that. If you’re married, you can add
in the cost of divorce attorneys, spousal and/or child support. If money is a problem for you,
you’re better off going to a top Relationship Saver less often, than a cheaper
less effective therapist more often. You’re much more likely to save
your relationship going to the best Relationship Saver you can find. Again, I strongly recommend that
your top criteria for who you pick NOT be the cheapest therapist or one that’s
covered through your insurance. What If The Therapist Won’t Talk to You on the Phone and
Their Receptionist Says You Have to Make and PAY for An Appointment to Talk
to Them. My bias is, that I wouldn’t
recommend you “blindly” pay for and see a professional before you’ve had the
opportunity to interview them by phone. What If They Won’t Answer Your Questions on The Phone and
Just Say Oh, Sure I can Help You, Just Make an Appointment If they can’t or won’t answer
your questions, you have no basis to make a decision to take the next step
with them. It’s time to call the next professional on your list. How to Get Your Partner To Go To Relationship Counseling
With You When They’ve Already Said NO Here’s some of the most common
reasons a partner gives of why they won’t go to relationship counseling with
you and how to respond to those objections: Objection: I’ve asked you for
years to go to relationship counseling and you refused. Now it’s too late. Objection: You’re the cause of
all the problems so you should go by yourself. Objection: We tried relationship
counseling before and it didn’t work. Why would it be any different now? Objection: I’ve already decided
to leave. There’s no point in going. Objection: I don’t believe in
relationship counseling. If we can’t solve our problems by ourselves then
nothing will work. How To Increase The Chances Of Getting Your Partner To Go
To Relationship Counseling With You Here’s a possible response that often
works with all of the above objections: “I’ve found a relationship counselor
that can give us the missing skills we need to get our relationship back on
track and to help me be more consistently responsive to your wants and needs. Would you be willing to go to
one session with me to check them out?” Why Ask Them To Go To Only One Relationship Counseling
Session With You Rather Than To Get A Full Commitment For Couple Counseling You want to make it as easy as
possible for them to take a positive step with you to get professional help
for your relationship. It’s easier to commit to one
session than to commit to ongoing relationship counseling. If you pick the right counselor,
they’ll do the job of getting in rapport with your partner and showing the
benefits to your partner and to the relationship of coming back to them for
further counseling. If You’re Partner Still Isn’t Willing to Go to
Relationship Counseling/Coaching With You, Is Your Relationship Doomed? It will probably be more
efficient if your partner gets the relationship counseling/coaching with you. If they won’t go to counseling
with you, definitely go yourself. You
have a better chance of saving your relationship if you go by yourself to get
1-1 coaching to save your relationship than to not go at all. In my 30+ years as a
Relationship Therapist, I have helped to save lots of relationships where
only one person got relationship counseling with me. Isn’t It More Effective To Go To A Professional In
Person, Than To Work With Them Over The Phone? That’s what I believed, IN THE
PAST. Years ago, I was working with a couple that taught me otherwise. They
were moving out of the area and asked to continue working with me. I told
them that I had never worked with clients by phone because I assumed that it
wouldn’t be as effective as seeing them in person. I said that I was happy to teach
them how to find someone else that would be local to them. They said “we’ve
been to a lot of therapists before we found you and you’ve helped us more
than all the rest put together. Since you’ve never done phone
therapy before, we’re asking you to give it a try with us when we move.” I
told them that I was willing to try but would not continue if I felt it
wasn’t as effective as the work that I was doing with them face to face. To my surprise, it was just as
effective. They started referring new friends and work associates to me for
couple counseling, who never had and never would see me in person. Again to
my surprise, they were getting the same level of results as my in person
couple clients. At this point in time, I work
with most of my clients by phone. Even many of my local clients choose to
work with me by phone because they’ve found it’s just as effective and they
have a zero commute time. Thus, in terms of getting good
results, I no longer believe there’s an advantage for you to work with a
therapist in person. If you prefer to, that’s fine. Again, the key criteria is that
you get help from a therapist who is highly trained, experienced, specializes
in saving relationships, you feel
comfortable with them, and they’ll give you skills and strategies as opposed
to just sitting and listening or playing the referee. I Think That My Partner Would Be More Comfortable With A
Male Therapist. Therefore, Should I Only Interview Male Therapists? No. If you find a male therapist
that meets all the criteria I’ve laid out to you, great. But if the only
therapist you find that meets all of the criteria is a woman, you’re far
better off going to her. A competent therapist can get
rapport with most people, men and women. What Do I Do If I Can’t Find The Right Therapist If you can’t find the right counselor, or if
you prefer to work with me, you can reach me at 1-800-887-6464. If you don’t live close to my
office and you’re not sure if it’s possible to save your relationship by
phone, click here - TelePhone
Counseling You can also email me at Contact Fred
I practice what I teach, so I
will NOT communicate with you by email. If you email me, make sure to include
your phone number so that I can call you back. If I’m no longer accepting new
clients when you call or email me, I apologize to you in advance. How To Get the Most Out of Working with a Relationship
Therapist Be proactive in preparing for
each session. Think about what you most want help with to improve in
yourself, which would make the biggest difference in improving your
relationship. In my experience, the clients
that are the most proactive in planning for their sessions, and are the most
proactive and consistent in practicing and mastering the skills I give them get
the best results, by leaps and bounds. Why Many People Wind Up Breaking Up For Good After They
Start Relationship Counseling And How To Avoid Creating That Fate In Your
Relationship A lot of people that get into
couple counseling have the illusion that they can stop being on good behavior
and just use the therapist as a referee. Remember, your relationship is
still in a very fragile state and it may not take much to negate the benefits
a good relationship counselor can give you. Use your couple therapy time
primarily to learn new skills, not to vent your upset feelings at your
partner. In between sessions, you cannot
afford to slip back into your old ways of speaking and acting that caused
your partner to want to break up with you in the first place. Once you’ve been granted a last
chance by your partner, one slip up on your part can finalize the breakup. Stay conscious. Be diligent and
as consistent as possible in mastering the skills you get from your
counselor. I wish you the best of luck. Take care, Fred Talisman MFT PS: If you still aren’t ready to
get help, but you genuinely do want to save your relationship, Please click
here for more information: Save Your
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